When today’s parents were in middle school and high school, no matter how vicious a bully could be on the bus, at school or on the playground, when they got home, they were safe. The bully did not come into their home to torment them when they were relaxing, doing homework or watching a movie.
Today, with a substantial portion of our children’s time spent online, the bullies are everywhere, all the time, insinuating themselves and their damaging behavior into nearly every waking minute. Cyberbullies are on social media platforms, messaging apps, gaming platforms and devices, text messages and emails; there is no longer a safe space. Even worse, while older generations were able to leave bullies behind after graduation, cyberbullying tactics are now shared, saved and repurposed, making the impact seem ever-lasting.
At New Canaan Pediatrics, we have seen first-hand the debilitating effects of bullying and cyberbullying. The Pew Research Center reports that nearly half of all teens ages 13-17 reported experiencing some form of cyberbullying. The study suggests that teen girls are more likely to experience cyberbullying than teen boys with the difference getting more pronounced especially in girls ages 15-17. Research also shows that while digital devices and platforms have expanded the venues for bullying, bullying is more common among children or teens that know each other from school or other in-person social contexts.
Thankfully, while adults years ago seemed to accept bullying as a normal stage of life, we now know the intense and lasting damage in-person bullying and cyberbullying can do to children and teens. In 2011, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services launched stopbullying.gov, a resource aimed at treating this increasingly significant public health burden. The site lists common components to identify, prevent, report and suggest consequences for bullying.
Connecticut’s bullying policy contains all of these common components, with clear definitions and policies that explain the process for addressing cyberbullying. Connecticut’s Department of Education notes a clear bullying policy fosters better learning outcomes in the classroom. Crucially, Connecticut also has policies that cover conduct out of school, bringing accountability to the digital spaces where cyberbullying occurs. While federal law does not specifically address bullying, it can be used to protect victims when any type of bullying infringes on specific civil rights or when the bullying escalates to a defined crime such as stalking or blackmail.
While support from schools and lawmakers is vital, parents are typically the first line of prevention and protection in bullying. Unfortunately, chances are high that your child will witness or become a victim of cyberbullying.
Begin discussing digital safety as soon as your child goes online and don’t stop talking about it as your child’s digital activities evolve and expand.
Explain that bullying is any behavior or speech that is unwanted, aggressive and used to control or harm another person. This can include purposefully excluding someone from a group, making threats, attacking someone verbally or physically, and, especially in the case of cyberbullying, spreading rumors, lies or embarrassing or personal information about another person. Even if your child is not an active bully, explain to them that allowing bullying to happen makes them a real part of the problem.
Clearly state your family’s rules about digital activity and make it clear that your child should inform you of any harmful activity they see. Review their privacy settings and make sure they are set to the highest levels.
In the real world, you chaperone your child on vacation and at large concerts, for example. In cyberspace, you can chaperone your child by installing parental control and/or monitoring software so you can watch how and with whom they are interacting.
Be a positive role model. Reduce the time you spend on social media and digital entertainment. Talk to your child about troubling situations you’ve seen both in real life and in digital environments and discuss possible solutions and responses.
Monitor their behavior as well as their digital life. Is your child increasingly avoiding real life social situations? Are they withdrawing from family, and from activities that they previously enjoyed? Is your child using their devices a lot more or less than usual? Is the device causing strong emotional responses, either positive or negative? Is your child creating and/or deleting social media accounts? These increased digital demands could indicate cyberbullying, be it as bully or victim.
If you think your child is being bullied, act very quickly. Bullying of any type needs to be dealt with and shut down as soon as possible to avoid long-term mental health challenges. Talk to your child. Work with their teachers and school administration. If needed, review Connecticut’s anti-bullying laws and consult legal help.
Make an appointment with your New Canaan Pediatrics provider when your child has been bullied. Getting the tools they need to deal with both their intense emotions and with the bullies themselves will help your child build the strength and resilience to get through this trauma.