As parents, we spend a great deal of time worrying about how much screen time is healthy for our children. Will it affect their attention span? Will it impact their academic performance? Are phones and screens causing depression and anxiety in our kids?
Unfortunately, even if our kids never see a screen until the age of two, the way adults around them use screens is still having a dramatic impact on their development. Here at New Canaan Pediatrics, we recognize that adults also struggle with screen time, often glued to screens during any downtime we may have. Rather than trying to monitor our children’s screen time with apps, trackers, settings, and passwords, modeling responsible screen and digital device habits to our children is a more effective way to reduce their screen time.
Adult device use powerfully and negatively impacts our children—at any age, from infancy to adolescence—in a wide variety of ways.
Research into the effects of digital device use on parent-child relationships first looked at the interactions and experiences that get lost when parents are distracted or occupied with their phones. Experts found that increased adult screen time created more “absent presence” or “technoference” moments, when parental attention drops sharply. Researchers proved that parental device use results in fewer parent-child interactions. Less parent-child bonding may lead to weaker relationships in the future.
When a parent is deeply absorbed in their device and their child breaks through that concentration, that subsequent interaction is of much lower quality than interactions that happen when a screen is not involved. Studies show that parents are less likely to respond meaningfully when interrupted during screen use and children are more likely to perceive parental responses as hostile. Children quickly learn that interrupting mom or dad when they’re using a screen brings a very negative reaction, so kids stop inviting conversations and interactions.
Fewer and lower-quality parent-child interactions can impact a child’s development in a variety of ways. Research determines that parental screen time actually interrupts the development of “joint attention,” the ability to recognize when someone is looking at something and then to also pay attention to it. This affects your child’s ability to be able to enjoy reading a book or play a game with you and other people. Joint attention is vital to building a strong, meaningful, life-long infant-parent bond and other trusting relationships as your child grows. Joint attention plays a role in socialization throughout your child’s life. Undeveloped joint attention skills will impede your child’s ability to make friends and form healthy relationship with other people and excel in school. Research shows infants experience psychological stress from a parent’s inattention due to technoference.
Moreover, chronic absent presence and sustained inattention leads to behavioral problems in children of all ages. When children struggle to get their parent’s attention, and the response is poor, negative or non-existent and the child interprets the response as both inadequate and hostile, the quality of parent-child interactions decrease dramatically. This creates a cycle of inattention harming the child’s self-esteem and weakening the parent-child relationship.
At New Canaan, we completely understand that parents sometimes need a break, and our phones can offer a quick and easy way to take a moment for ourselves. You’re using a screen right now to get support or advice on how to parent!
First and foremost, remember that algorithms are built specifically to hold our attention and to ignore anything else beyond that screen.
Then audit your screen time and usage habits to identify where and when you use it most. If you realize you’re using your screen most when your child is with you – even if you’re in the bleachers and they are out on the field – you’re missing moments and interactions, even if it’s just a “great job, buddy!” shout during practice. Create “device-free” times to limit technoference. Set a timer to stop those algorithms from holding your attention. When you do have to respond to an urgent situation on your phone, finish cleanly, take a breath, and remember to respond intentionally to your child.
The positive news is that every good digital device choice we parents make is doubly good for our children. Less screen time for everyone creates more opportunity for meaningful interactions and attention and sets a better example for our kids’ own screen time.
Avoid using devices and screens as coping mechanisms for your children. When they are bored, stressed or anxious, interact and engage fully with them, parent to child, to create and build a powerful bond.
New Canaan Pediatrics kindly reminds you to stow away your devices while in our offices. We enjoy seeing your family and require your full attention during appointments; this sets a great example for your child as they learn to interact with us as well.
Do you have questions about your child’s screen time – and your own? Message New Canaan Pediatrics through your portal. We are always happy to help!